While watching a movie recently, a man couldn't hear the dialogue over the chatter of the two women sitting in front of him.
Unable to bear it any longer, he tapped one of them on the shoulder.
"Excuse me," he said, "I can't hear."
"I should hope not," one woman replied sharply.
"This is a private conversation."
''I got fired from my job as a bank guard,'' bemoaned Paddy.
''That's just awful,” said Liam. “What happened?''
''Well a thief came in to rob a bank. Just as I was told in training, I drew my gun and told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it,'' said Paddy.
''What did the thief do then?'' asked Liam.
''He took one more step so as I was told to do,
I let him have it. I didn't want that stupid gun anyhow!''
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.
The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home.
The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family.
The blonde said, "Awwww, it’s so quiet here now. I wish my friends were here."
John and Peter were always trying to outdo each other.
One day, they walk into a bakery stony broke and John whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn’t notice.
John proudly says to Peter “You see how clever I am? You’ll never beat that!”
So Peter goes up to the baker and says “Give me a cookie, I can show you a great magic trick!”
The baker gives him the cookie which Peter promptly eats. Then he says to the baker “Give me another cookie for my magic trick.”
The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.
Then he says again “Give me one more cookie.”
The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway.
Peter eats this as well.
Now the baker is really mad, and he yells “And where is your famous magic trick?”
Peter says “Look in my mate’s pocket!”