Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
A man was traveling through the west of the US, when he saw a sign that said, "Meet the Indian Who Never Forgets, Next Exit".
Well, being curious, the man stops at the attraction to see the Indian. He asks the man, "What did you have for breakfast on June 9, 1978?" The Indian replies "Eggs!"
Well, everyone has eggs for breakfast, this guy is a charlatan, the man thinks.
The man tells his friend about the experience, and his friend replies "That's disrespectful, you should greet an indian in their native language. Next time instead of Hi say How.”
Ten years later, the same man is on vacation, and sees the sign for the Indian again. He thinks what the heck, I'll stop in and see him.
Remembering his friend's advice, when the man approaches the Indian, he holds up his hand and says, "How!"
The Indian replies, "Scrambled."
Lauren was frustrated. She had complained dozens of times to her daughter about her newest gag of kissing the bathroom mirror immediately after applying lipstick, but it was all to no avail.
Finally, one day after spending a half hour scrubbing the mirror, only to find another kiss mark an hour later, Lauren had enough.
“Lizzy!” she hollered.
“What?” came her daughter’s reply through her bedroom door.
“I can’t find the toilet brush that I’ve been using to clean the bathroom mirror. Do you have any idea where it is?”
After hearing the gagging from behind the bedroom door, Lauren knew her days of cleaning kiss marks off of mirrors were over.
A woman buys a new sim card, puts it in her phone and decides to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the living room.
She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new number and says
The husband responds in a low tone "Let me call you back later Honey, my wife is in the kitchen. “